No More for Mrs More

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Have a Very Happy One!

To my old faithfuls, who are still checking this blog out in the hope that I'll actually write something, have a very happy Christmas and all the best for 2007!

I've been hugely busy working on a theatre project (as part of my 'proper' job) and also my part-time writing on-the-side. It's all good stuff, stressful as hell, not particularly lucrative but there's a grand plan in there somewhere. I think.

All is good with me and Mr M, who continues to be my rock, my star, my (insert cliche here, wind beneath wings, etc). Love 'im to bits.

I'm fattish. I haven't been weighing myself and my diet has been up and down. I'm definitely a size bigger (and probably about 15 pounds heavier) than in the summer, but I'm not too blue about it. I currently have bigger and better things to worry about, but I am planning to get back on track after the festivities.

Yes - I'll be back in force in 2007, with regular updates on my continuing meanderings through weightloss and beyond.

Thanks for all the support this year, it's been so helpful. Big shouts out to Lainey and Isabelle, especially! I hope Santa brings you an extra big pressie.

Lots of love, Mrs More. xxxxxx

Monday, November 20, 2006

Don't give up on me!

I have been crap at updating this blog. I will get better, though. Promise. Life is just too damn busy and stressed right now, but give me a couple more weeks and we'll be through the worst of it!

Quickie update:

1 I love my Lateral Thigh Trainer. Haven't had the time to use it much, but I love it! Absolutely no bloody time to go to the gym, so I'm grabbing 10 mins here and there, and it is doing something. It's never going to be a full-on cardio-tastic work out, but it certainly works my legs, bum, and to a degree, my waist. It squeaks a bit if you get too over-enthusiastic, but jiggling along smoothly for 20-30 mins while watching Making the Band, I'm a Celebrity, Strictly Come Dancing or other such fabulous nonsense has got to be better than sitting on my arse eating nachos.

2 I totally crapped out of weighing myself. Too scared. Can't do it.

3 I am all geared up to BE RELATIVELY GOOD until Christmas, with soup and salad and fruit as the main features of my diet. Oh, and wine. Can't not have wine right now.

4 I have realised that my weight loss/maintainance is inextricably linked to my hair removal habits. When I get fat, I get hairy. My bikini line currently resembles some 70's Playboy model's foliage. Talk about pant moustache. Probably too much information, but there you go. It's also probably some kind of genetic Northern European preparation for winter. That and the binge drinking.

Ok, back to work...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Still Here, Folks

For those of you kind and interested enough to still be occasionally glancing at this blog, I am still here, still struggling.

Apologies for the lack of updates, but I have been hugely busy with work and as far as this blog is concerned I seem to have lost my raison d'etre - or should that be raison d'ieter? (Sorry!)

The wedding was a HUGE incentive to lose the weight, now I don't have much of one. Oh, except the joy of fitting into my Diesel jeans and general self-esteem, that is.

I have been 'good' about 50% of the time, 'normal' about 25% of the time and the rest has been a lard-fest. But this Saturday I am biting the bullet and weighing myself and beginning the task of losing it (without losing it) all over again.

I think I've lost a couple of pounds in the last couple of weeks, but I'm still estimating a weight of about 11 st 10 (164 pounds) this Saturday.

On the positive side, I have BUNDLES of energy at the moment; there are not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. This is because I'm so hyped up about getting my career back on track and I'm working very long hours.

No time to get to the gym, but I have amazed myself by buying a Lateral Thigh Trainer!! Try not to laugh. It might be crappy, or it might just this space.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Just take it easy on yourself...

Right, that's it. I'm done with all this bashing myself around the head.

The facts are: I lost weight and celebrated a bit too much by eating and drinking. Then I put on weight because I was depressed with the apres-wedding life of no money combined with some kind of identity/career crisis and age/marital status-related issues.

That was concisely put, no?

This does not make me a bad person, or a freak. YES, I could kick myself, but the bottom line is that I've needed to feel comfortably numb over the last few weeks and I've achieved this by eating lard and drinking booze.

I haven't talked about it much here, but I'm having a HUGE issue with my age at the moment. I feel so damn old at the moment. I feel like I'm at this massive crossroad in my life. Half of me wants to be 23 again and be out pubbing, clubbing and flirting and adores living in this mad, screwed up city that is London; the other half wants to move to the country, breed, have a dog and a garden and some greenery. Most people seem to be able to achieve some kind of balance in their lives, but regular readers to my blog will know that achieving balance is my biggest challenge. For me, it's all or nothing...

(This post is becoming like, 'spot the song title'! Not for the first time)

I actually find it really hard to own up to the fact I am 35. There, said it. 35. I had no problem turning 30, but I'm having a bloody nightmare with 35. I think 40 will be extremely tough, but by the time I'm 50 I'll be past caring! Not that 50 is in anyway past it - far from it - but I'm guessing I'll have grown the hell up by some respects.

Sorry to ramble and rant. All this is actually to do with what's in my head, as opposed to physical stuff. It's not like I'm looking in the mirror mourning the descent of my boobs or scrutinising wrinkles. I'm sure that is a joy yet to come! It's a behavioural thing with me at the moment! And perhaps the idea that I can't go into Top Shop and buy some pseudo-frumpy, ironic 'Secretary'-type, high-necked top without looking like an old lady. Maybe it's the idea that younger people are actually beginning to look up to me, as opposed to talk to me on their level. It's most discombobulating.

Anyway, back on topic! Still fat, but getting back on track! It's taking a bit more time than I thought to sort out my head, that's all.

I'm going away up north to stay with my Ma and do a bit of work there for a week or so. I'm going to really bloody try with the diet and when I return I'm going weigh myself and post it here and sort myself out. Promise.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Minor Meltdown

Thursday and Friday passed by with relative ease and yet more soup, salad and steamy veg. No sins, all cool.

Saturday was a really frenetic, busy and physically tiring day - I was sorting and moving stuff in our storage unit. It was several hours of lifting, bending and flinging stuff around and it was knackering! The food intake up to mid afternoon was as follows:
Breakfast - Branflakes with banana, honey and skimmed milk (good)
Lunch - Large roll with salad and a bit of grated cheddar (ok)
Packet of crisps (bad)
1 tea, 1 coffee, 1 diet coke

I was feeling a bit slimmer and not at all bad. Then followed some rushed shopping for various gifts, I had a skinny latte and still felt good.

Then I rushed home in order to get changed to go out to the party of the friends who are emigrating and everything went to crap.

I had in mind that I would wear a black dress which I've had for years. It's a size 14-16 UK and is a bit stretchy, with a tighter, shorter lining and a layer of chiffon over the top with an asymmetrical hemline. It's always been very flattering. I've worn it at my very fattest - size 16-18 and it has still looked great, very Jessica Rabbit, and I've worn it at my thinnest, size 10-12 and it is loose but still a good shape. It's one of my only guaranteed-I-can-fling-it-on-and-always-look-great outfits, regardless of size.

I tried it on. It didn't fit.

It has shrunk in the wash. In a very real way, not just in my head. The lining was about 3 inches shorter and when I tried it on you could see a huge, unacceptable amount of thigh (bordering on arse-overhang) underneath the chiffon. I was disappointed that I've ruined it, but there was the more immediate worry of what the hell to wear. I've never been good at the whole 'in-between the seasons' dressing - hot weather/cold weather, fine, anything else, nope. The party invitation said posh frocks, so I spent the next 30 minutes trying on every damn thing in my wardrobe and getting more and more depressed. There were certain things that were ok unless I sat down. There were certain things that were ok if I hid behind a large object for the duration of the party, but nothing acceptable. Mr M kept telling me I looked lovely and it only made me more furious and distraught. I kept thinking, what have I done to myself in the last 2 months? I've gone on a mission to destroy all of the good work that has taken a year to achieve. My friends must think I'm seriously damaged! They saw me at the wedding all slim and lovely and now I'm all bloody fat again in record time!!

I ended up in my baggies, sitting on the floor and smoking a cigarette, crying pathetically and refusing to go to the party.

Mr M was great. He let me get it out of my system, then buoyed me up and made me laugh; not an easy task. I married a good 'un. I eventually dragged myself off the floor, grabbed some jeans, heels and a dressy but blissfully baggy top and piled on the accessories. I looked good. I put on a shedload of slap, fluffed my hair and we finally left the house. Disaster averted.

Of course, I then drank several gallons of wine and ate my bodyweight in bread and cheese at the party. The next day we were so hung over that take away pizza and an entire day in bed seemed the only option.

I was so close to getting back into the swing of things, but my meltdown at the weekend has done me quite a bit of damage. I was not bad yesterday, although there was a bit of chocolate involved at some point.

God, I'm so rubbish! I was so damn focused before! It was easy! I loved it!

What happened?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Another day, another jacket potato

Yesterday, pretty darn similar to the day before:

Branflakes, skimmed milk, honey, chopped banana
Medium jacket spud, butter, salad, beetroot, sun-blushed tomatoes, feta, balsamic
A pear
A tangerine
Vegetable Mulligatawny Soup (ooh, get me), 1 and a half pieces of toasted pitta bread with butter
Low fat yoghurt
2 Falafel (just the balls!)
1 can of beer
1 Diet coke
About 4 cups of tea

Ah, variety. 'Tis the spice of life. But not necessarily achievable when one has limited time and is trying to slim. So it's a life of salad and spuds, soup, soup and more soup. Veggie-tastic.

By the way, I had the beer and a)It didn't prevent England from losing and b) It didn't stop me from having itchy skin. So maybe it's not the DTs making me feel all creepy, maybe I have some kind of rancid, flesh-eating disease that I picked up on honeymoon?

Might help in losing a few pounds?

Actually, shouldn't joke about these things. Probably just my tan finally peeling off.

I've got a few social things coming up. A friend is having an emigration party on Saturday with a free bar and nibbles, my goddaughter is having a tea-party on Sunday afternoon and one of Mr More's best mates is returning to the UK after working abroad and is having a coming-home drinks do a couple of days later. Darn it all. Dash and blow. I'll have to have an iron will to resist. Maybe I'll skip the last thing, though. This friend of Mr More's is not particularly a friend of mine...she was the only person at our wedding who didn't make a point of coming up to me and saying hi/congrats/whatever THE ENTIRE DAY. What's up with that? Stoopid moo. Don't like 'er.

I digress. But at least it's a bit more blog-worthy than the notation of my daily food intake. Anyhoo, the point is, I have to stay strong and upright and resist the urge to get bladdered, eat cake and get fatter. Say it with me...IN THE ZONE!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Twitchy and Scratchy

Branflakes, skimmed milk, honey, chopped banana
Large jacket spud, butter, salad, beetroot, sun-blushed tomatoes, feta, balsamic
A pear
A tangerine
Spicy parsnip soup, 4 small slices of garlic bread
Low fat yoghurt
3 Oatcakes
1 Rivita with low fat soft cheese
1 Diet coke
About 4 cups of tea

Not a bad day - the garlic bread wasn't exactly in the plan, but to be honest I was pretty damn starving by supper. I should also add that I do drink quite a bit of water every day. Probably about 3 pints, which isn't bad.

I wish I could say that I'm already feeling the benefits, but this is not the case. The jeans are still tight after 2 whole days of effort, people! Shocking. AND I have that scary jumpy, itchy skin feeling which I'm sure is symptomatic of some kind of horrific alcohol detox thingy. Two days of no booze after a straight run of - ooh, about 8 or nine weeks of drinking a couple of drinks or more EVERY DAY - has left me twitchy and scratchy. Like some kind of addict! Jeez.

It's quite easy to say no to the drink, but it's shocking to feel the physical effects of cold turkey! Anyway, I'm having a beer tonight because it's the football on the telly and it's the law. But just the one - with my steamed veg, natch!

Feeling quite focused, though. Cannot wait to fit into my clothes again and stop this damn bra cutting me in two as I sit tappy-lappying away at this damn blog.